How to brave the messy in between—break bad habits, be where your feet are, and believe for the best ahead of you
There’s this tension I’ve felt many times in this journey of becoming. That in-between stretch where you no longer align with who you were, but you haven’t quite grown into who you want to become.
The becoming is not a one-time moment. It’s ongoing and ever shifting. That is why learning how to find bliss in the becoming is crucial because if you don’t, you will find yourself constantly chasing your “best self” without being present and embracing the journey, never realizing that this version is part of the becoming too.
Leaving What is Behind for Better
One of the first times I really noticed the ache of becoming was after college. I was living in a city full of familiarity and college connections. My routines, my social circle, even the way I saw myself—it all carried the residue of who I used to be.
I didn’t feel aligned. The things that once felt fun started to feel draining.
The environments that once felt energizing started to feel off. Even certain friendships felt like I had outgrown them— not in a judgmental way, just in a quiet knowing kind of way.
For a while, that left me feeling lost, questioning who I was. Because when everything you were once comfortable with suddenly doesn’t feel right, it’s easy to wonder if something’s wrong with you. But now, I know it was a sign of growth.
Growth often starts with friction.
And friction means the old isn’t fitting anymore.
Breaking Bad Habits & Braving the Messy In Between
I remember knowing in my heart that I wasn’t who I used to be.
But I didn’t feel fully connected to who I was becoming either.
I had a vision in my head—a vague, soft picture of who she was.
The future version of me, the best version of myself. I could see her.
I just didn’t know how to become her. What I didn’t realize is that I was already on the way. That just because I couldn’t fully embody my “best self” didn’t mean I wasn’t becoming her—day by day, decision by decision.
And that awareness? That messy in-between space?
It was part of the becoming too.
Compassion and curiosity bridges the gap faster than criticism ever will.
But that doesn’t mean your actions don’t still have consequences.
They do. Mine certainly did during that time period of wanting better but not being better. The messy in between. The desire was there, but the discipline that is formed through the process wasn’t there yet.
There’s a very real ache that shows up when you’re more aware of your bad behavior, when you want better but still find yourself slipping back into old patterns. It breaks your heart a little—because now you know too much to pretend it doesn’t matter. I now believe that is actually God’s redirection.
He allows us to feel that tension. Because it’s not until we truly recognize the dysfunction in our bad habits that we’re compelled to move forward. t’s uncomfortable, yes—but it’s also the beginning of the breakthrough.
Embrace & Replace
Here’s something I’ve learned the hard way:
You can’t just run from the past. You have to move toward something better.
Letting go without replacing leads to empty space.
But letting go and reaching forward? That leads to transformation.
Growth doesn’t just happen when we cut out the old.
It happens when we nurture the new.
And if you believe in God, the pressure isn’t on you to transform on your own. It is a constant and continually process of letting go of the old for God to replace it with something better.
“I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.” – Philippians 3:13-15
Embodying the Becoming
This is where imposter syndrome likes to sneak in.
When you’re not who you were, but not yet who you want to be.
When you’re growing into something new but don’t feel fully qualified to claim it.
But what if you’re not pretending? Becoming isn’t about automatically being your “best self”—it’s about showing up anyway.
Even now, I still feel it.
In rooms I once only dreamed of being in and opportunities I never felt qualified for. In moments where my old insecurities try to catch up with my new growth, or even worse, when something or someone reminds you of who you were.
But then I remember…
This is where faith comes into play, believing in who God says you already are. You don’t have to feel like your best self to start living like it. You just have to take the next step.
Being Where Your Feet Are
I still remember sitting on the couch in my therapist’s office, talking about all the ways I hoped this baggage would become part of my story. I truly can picture it like it was a scene out of a movie.
I explained that maybe I’d write a book, or speak, or launch a podcast one day. That I wanted the pain to have a purpose, I literally needed it to, or nothing would make sense.
She listened. Then said something I’ll never forget.
“But what if you didn’t?”
I was stunned. A little offended, honestly.
Isn’t that the point? Making it all mean something?
But she wasn’t minimizing my dreams.
She was inviting me to stop rushing past the process, find peace in the present moment, actually allow space for God to move instead of managing my pain, and to just be.
Because I had made my future self an idol.
She represented relief—freedom from the discomfort, the waiting, the not-quite-there-yet feeling, and even more so, the pain I still felt from the past.
My therapist’s words lingered because deep down I knew what she meant:
If I couldn’t find peace in the becoming, I’d always be performing for a version of myself that doesn’t exist yet. I would always be chasing perfection.
Believing for What is Ahead
Let yourself dream. Let yourself envision who you want to be. But don’t put your life on pause until you get there.
The version of me writing this isn’t the same version who was in that therapist office that one day, hashing out the past, trying to move beyond the present, and desperately needing my pain to have a purpose.
I have begun to understand the beauty of the in between.
That brokenness and beauty often walk hand-in-hand—and that the breaking is not a detour, but a doorway.
I’m learning to stop rushing through the process.
To stop holding my breath until it all “makes sense.”
To stop fearing the mess.
To stay present with the pain.
To be—right in the middle of it all.
Because becoming isn’t about perfection—it’s about alignment. It’s choosing presence over proving, peace over pressure. Not who you’re trying to be—But who you were always meant to become.
So if you’re in a season that feels like breaking, stretching, or waiting—I hope you know this: the breaking is part of the becoming. You don’t have to reach your best self to be enough. Your life doesn’t begin with some future version of you. There is beauty here. All along you were blooming.
And yes—there is bliss to be found in the becoming.
Xoxo, B
blissfullyb 